I Hate When You* Do That!: Understanding the Four Faces of Hate — and the Virtues That Heal Them

We all say it: I hate when you do that.But what if our irritation, frustration, and resentment are telling us something deeper?In I Hate When You* Do That!, therapist and educator Kyle Mammen introduces a clear and compassionate framework for understanding the emotional fractures that quietly shape our relationships. Drawing on years of counseling, academic advising, and lived experience, Mammen shows that hate isn’t a single emotion—it’s four distinct postures we adopt when we feel hurt, threatened, overwhelmed, or morally superior:Disgust: “I want you away from me.”Indifference: “You’re not worth my energy.”Contempt: “I’m above you.”Enmity: “You are my enemy.”Each form of hate has its own logic—and its own path toward healing. Through personal stories, cultural illustrations, and practical tools, Mammen pairs each hate with its antidote:Understanding for DisgustCompassion for IndifferenceEmpathy for ContemptForgiveness for EnmityTogether, these responses invite us to see people—and ourselves—with greater clarity and courage.Accessible, thoughtful, and quietly hopeful, I Hate When You* Do That! offers readers a way to name the emotions beneath conflict, mend the relationships that matter most, and resist the cultural forces that reward outrage over understanding. Whether you’re navigating family tension, workplace frustration, community division, or your own inner reactions, this book provides a roadmap for healing that begins with honesty and ends with wholeness.In a world eager to divide, this is a book about becoming human again—one small act of courage at a time. Read more